Empty Nesting: One Month

This week marked one month since our daughter moved out to take her new job two hours southwest of here. How’s life in the empty nest? Some thoughts and observations:

  • I am beyond proud of all she’s done in her first month. Like, JMU had its Parents’ Weekend earlier in the month. One of the highlights took place in her theatre: the comics from “Whose Line Is It Anyway” were performing on her stage, and she ran lights for it. She said she hit her cues well, but then all of a sudden Wayne or Ryan would get up and say something, and she’d have to jump and shift. Yep, that’s improv! But guess what: at age 18, you just lit the guys from “Whose Line.” That’s awesome in any book.
  • The dog is super confused: her pack keeps shrinking. She used to spend a-l-l-l-l day with our daughter. We would feed the dog breakfast, then she would scamper upstairs, push open a bedroom door, and curl up on the bed until our daughter awoke. Now we go to work and the dog is all alone. She keeps looking at us with a very concerned expression: “What did you do with everyone? I’ll be good: don’t send me away too.”
  • Related: Our flexibility is actually a little less now. Whereas previously we could text our daughter to ask her to feed the dog ’cause we’re going out, we can’t do that anymore.
  • The house is quiet now. Like, more so than I’ve ever experienced it. Two old people just don’t make that much noise I guess.
  • To some extent, we still haven’t really figured out this new situation. It’s not like we’re jetting off to Cancun or dining out every night (see: Dog, Feeding Thereof) and Lord knows I still have homework. This is a transition that won’t be flicking a light switch.
  • In the evenings we’ll clean up the dishes and put everything away before going up for the night. For some strange reason, no longer are we coming downstairs in the morning to a host of new dishes that piled up in the sink later that night. That part I don’t mind.
  • We now make a lot less trash and recycling, too. Doesn’t seem very often at all that I’m taking anything to the curb.
  • We saw her briefly last week, and when she pulls out her phone to start showing pictures of her theatre, her eyes sparkle. That’s what any parent would crave: seeing their child light up at something they get to do. We truly are blessed.

Even Pastors’ Wives Get New Kitchens (Sometimes) (Eventually)

For the last six weeks, the main level of our house has been a disaster zone, and we’ve been living and cooking on small table…because after 15 years in the house, and 31 years since it was built, we redid the kitchen.

20190909_072037The “before” panorama shows the aged late-80s cabinets and the laminate countertops that were well and truly tired and ready to go. We really didn’t like the cabinets over the peninsula at the left, and were ready to let go of the useless soffit at the top of the cabinets by the ceiling.

We had talked about this for y-e-a-r-s. Fundamentally, we wanted it to be more open, more modern, and have more storage and convenience. And we had saved for quite awhile, so that we didn’t have to take out a loan to do it. We met with our real estate agent, who gave us tips on what to do, and not do, if we’re looking to sell in the next five years (as we transition into grace-and-favor housing in a parsonage somewhere), and she told us how much we needed to spend (and not spend!) to achieve that. We worked with the contractor who had done all our windows and doors years before, and he was able to keep the costs to within our budget. It certainly helped that we were keeping all the major appliances and the floors!

20191019_095334And this is what it turned into! Brighter lighting, white cabinets, grey quartz counters, a white tile backsplash, and eliminating all the soffitts and overhead cabinet made it so much better. When we moved back in, we surprised ourselves with how much more storage there was. We were able to move holiday dishes out of the dining room and into a cabinet here, where we never could have done that before!

The process wasn’t perfect, of course; no renovation is. The contractors didn’t cap the lines after demo day, and we awoke the next morning to a flood that seeped into the rec room below (so guess who’s now redoing the rec room!). And delays from misordered cabinets meant an additional couple of weeks living in limbo.

But it’s done now, it’s paid for, and it’s ready to host the next Chili Bowl, or even Mary’s birthday party later this year, and Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. And it moves us one step closer to being ready and able to move out: not only because the house will be more market-ready, but also because we were able to go through things and donate what we no longer needed. Even that bit of stewardship alone was worth the headaches.

Love Like That

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it?  And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders.  When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’  In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!” (Luke 15:4-7)

Our new neighbor spent the better part of six hours today trying to coax her new rescued puppy back into her house after the puppy snuck out…twice.

Mary and I spent awhile this evening trying to help corral the puppy, who had been a rescue from an abusive situation about two weeks ago and was in no mood to trust anyone, never getting within 20 feet of us. We tried leaving out treats, and sitting calmly, and so on, but the dog wasn’t having anything to do with us. (We’re told that the puppy isn’t fond of men, so I felt doubly helpless.)

Her new owner, though, was marvelous at trying to build trust. She scampered around her yard like an eight-year-old, trying to get the puppy to play with her. She lay down for a good half hour in the dew of the evening on her front lawn, trying to get the puppy to come close enough. She got some steak and offered the puppy bits of it to try to draw her near, with only partial success.

It occurs to me that her love is part of what Jesus taught about in the Parable of the Lost Sheep. Just as Jesus does, she patiently was calling to the puppy, trying to be open and warm and receptive, not angry, not yelling at the dog. She showed what grace is about: the neverending call to come home, to turn back. And through it all, the rebellious puppy was mistrusting of that grace, skeptical that it could really be safe, and absolutely determined to do whatever it wanted to do.

In the same way, we’re rebellious puppies who refuse to believe it could possibly be any better with Jesus than on our own. We’re all cavorting, running free, oblivious to the fact that it’s getting dark and there are foxes in the woods nearby who would love to have a go at us in the night. And we disdain the steak that’s offered in favor of staying (spiritually) hungry, if it means accepting anything that comes with it.

The good news is, there are no strings attached, no hidden agendas. God’s grace and love are freely given, just as our neighbor’s love was freely given, and despite our (or the puppy’s) obstinacy about taking the offer. It’s a valuable reminder that grace shows up in random moments in our days, and that we’re called to love like that: to offer grace to everyone we see, loving the rebellious puppy in each of us, and patiently extending grace until she comes home.

PS: Eventually the neighbor went inside and left the front door propped open. And after another half hour, something got the better of the puppy (curiosity? hunger? desire for warmth?) and she wandered back inside. And there was great rejoicing.