Breadcrumbs, Part II

So what are some of the other signals I’m getting that perhaps I’m being called into a deeper relationship with Christ? It’s more than just how often I find myself thinking of church and Christ while wandering the halls at work:

  • I’m someone who is always trying to improve. At work, at home, wherever. And so when I learned of a free (free!) executive coaching opportunity through work, I made the time to explore it. I met with the coaching coordinator, I reviewed resumes of potential coaches, and I picked out one to try to connect with. I called her, and we had a great first conversation about perhaps establishing a coaching relationship. She then sent me her getting-to-know-you questionnaire, in which I was encouraged–in complete confidence–to write down what I wanted to get out of coaching, what problems I wanted to work on. But one question brought me up short: “What do you truly yearn to do?” And before I knew it, Bing! went off in my head, and I heard the answer. It wasn’t the next promotion, like I always assumed it would be. It wasn’t becoming Somebody in some new executive role. No, what went off in my head instead, as what I truly yearn to do, was the Great Commission:

Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. (Matthew 28:19-20)

  • We’ve been in the midst of putting together the next year’s budget at work, a process which has been both intense and filled with long days and late nights at the office. One day, in the midst of preparing for a senior leadership meeting, my boss was meeting with a group of us. She became animated in trying to understand one particular number, one which didn’t strike me as worth the amount of time we were spending on it. Very clearly I heard, “This just isn’t important” in my mind. The implication was, the important thing was Christ.
  • I’ve finished reading Kyle Idleman’s Not A Fan, and I had a sense of conviction there as well.  Idleman uses Luke 9:57-62 to show us that when we choose to follow Christ, we’re expected to make that the priority: follow him wherever, whenever, immediately. And here I am struggling with that! I really felt the Spirit nudging me: “OK, you want to follow? Get going then!”

I wish I had better clarity on what I’m being led into.

 

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Breadcrumbs, Part I

So what makes me think there’s even some chance of some other call in my life now?

I have to say, I’m the kind of guy who appreciates being upfront, not being coy. I got so angry one time at one of my wife’s girlfriends when we were in our 20s: this girlfriend of hers (let’s call her Kelly, because I really do forget her name) and her boyfriend would go to the clubs with us, and we’d all be dancing. Suddenly Kelly would leave–just, up and walk off the dance floor, maybe go to another dance floor on another level of the building, just to see if her boyfriend would follow. I ain’t got time for that kind of games.

I say that by way of saying, I would really find it reassuring to find a burning bush talk to me sometime. Or a blinding light on the road. Or any of the really upfront ways in the Bible that God uses to get someone’s attention. But alas, I am fresh out of pyromiliac shrubbery, and while the morning sun is often j-u-s-t in my eyes as I drive, that’s not the same thing.

Instead, I am left listening, like Elijah:

“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.

And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:11-13)

The still, small voice: so, so hard to pick out, out of all the noise and busyness surrounding me. I find it’s even hard to do when I’m alone, everyone else is asleep (as they are right now): I still have stuff running through my mind, and it’s difficult to calm myself to be able to find if there is a little signal buried in all that noise.

So: what am I doing here?

I’m trying to sort through the bits and pieces I pick up along the way. Little things: I often have music running through my head, a little soundtrack to accompany my day. Lately it’s almost always contemporary Christian, sometimes with amusing effect. Last weekend I was golfing with my college roommate ahead of our upcoming golf weekend. Ninth tee box, I get set, draw back, swing…and lift my head and completely miss it. And what do I hear going through my mind? The tag from Hilary Scott’s new single: “All I need to be…is…still.” Our God has a wonderful playful sense of humor, doesn’t he?

But seriously, who else’s soundtrack is nothing but praise music?

And that’s not all…more next time.

A Path of Discernment

I’ve been sharing with you a little of my life and walk. I want to start a conversation that I think will run a lot longer, over the course of several weeks or months or who knows, even years, so up front I ask your forbearance, since I don’t know where this will go.

I have taught, and written, on the idea that into every life, God will issue a call. Through his grace, he will call each of us. All are given the most elementary call: come home, turn back to me, come back. And those who heed that call, find Jesus and find even more grace as they grow. Some of those, he will call into service–and I absolutely love the stories of people helping Texas recover from Hurricane Harvey. Some he will call into teaching, some he will call into counseling.

And some, yes, he will call into ordained ministry.

I find myself over the past weeks and months sensing a different kind of call for me: that Jesus has something else in mind than I’ve been doing for the past 25 years–heck, for the past nearly 50. But I am still very, very, very unsure as to what that new call is. I’ve talked a little with my wife, and she’s been gracious enough to say that if it’s a call into ministry, then she’s in, and I need to heed it. It’s very possible it’s a call to just “go deeper,” to turn more and more of myself and my world over to Christ, to become more like those giants in Christ that I see around me. And that would be fine. But I also cannot shake entirely the sense that it could be “the” call. My own pastor says he senses me being called into something, but he doesn’t know what it is.

I’m very uncomfortable not knowing. I’m the kind of guy who likes certainty, and so if there were a burning bush, I could handle that. Listening for the faint whispers…that’s hard, and I’m probably not very good at it. At least I fear I’m not.

With your indulgence, I will try periodically–maybe not every post–to explore where I am and what I am able to discern is happening. I have absolutely no idea where this will end up. But come along…this could be a fascinating ride.