Last time I alluded to some challenges I’m facing in my family. Over the last month to six weeks, my mother’s health has taken a turn. She’s only in her seventies, and has had Parkinson’s Disease for nearly half her life. For the most part it was a minor annoyance for most of that time, but about eight years ago it began to jump up and reduce her ability to care for herself. That led me to move her into an assisted living home about six years ago.
Lately, she’s been getting weaker, and falling more often, leading her assisted living home to be alarmed that she’s beginning to exceed their ability to care for her. So now I find myself in the situation of once again searching for a care facility for her. This at the same time that several other significant events are happening in other parts of the family and work, all clamoring for scarce time.
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength,” Paul wrote to the church at Philippi (4:13). There’s two ways to read that, depending which half of the verse you emphasize. First is the idea that I can do everything, as long as Christ is with me. There’s a lot of truth in that. And emphasis on the second half reminds me that it’s Christ who gives me strength. I can’t handle everything that Mom’s declining health, my job, my family are all throwing at me all at once. At least not alone. We hear often that “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle,” but that’s wrong. What Paul’s verse reminds us is that the truth instead is that God won’t give me anything I can’t handle with him through Christ. I have to surrender to Christ and God’s will in my life for me to be able to see something like this through.
I certainly pray that this latest twist in my mother’s health isn’t a harbinger of more to come, and that her descent into whatever it is that PD will have in store for her is a long, slow fade instead of a sudden decline like my dad’s. I also pray that Christ be with me throughout this ordeal. It’s a mad, mad, mad time to be me. At least I’ve learned the lesson that I don’t have to think it’s all on me: I have help beyond compare when I truly place myself in Christ’s hands.
Had a terrific, wonderfully recharging night last night at the Patriot Center (I refuse to call it Eagle Bank Arena) with the family (minus College Boy, of course) and good, good friends in a night of worship. Ryan Stevenson, Hawk Nelson and the Newsboys were in town, and we had a great time praising and singing along.
Every now and then, the soul just needs a good bit of praise. Every now and then it just has to scream “Yes!” to the Yes that created it, and for me, I needed that last night. Between everything happening with various family members (more on that later), I needed a recharge, and this night certainly gave it to me. Thanks be to God for the chance to worship, and for everyone for coming out with us to celebrate!
As described last time, our oldest has left for college, and I wanted to share an update of where things stand. Right now, I’m working my way through the stages of grief at not having him around anymore.
In these first two weeks, we’ve FaceTimed with him twice; the first time we caught up with him in the basement of another dorm “hanging out with my friends.” Well that didn’t take long. The next time, he was in his room with his roommate. The first time, he was monosyllabic–maybe didn’t want to be too expressive around his new friends. The second time, he was laughing and much more the young man I’d expected to hear from. But overall, clearly, he’s enjoying himself and off to a solid start in many respects. And yes, true to form, the only texts he’s initiated with me have to do with…money.
We’re still getting used to not having him around. It’s quieter, even though he often hung out in the basement anyway. My food bill collapsed. It’s easier to make a menu of dinners when only three have to agree on the meals.
But the silence still screams at me. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen something funny in social media that I know he’d react to and went to call out, “Hey, D, come take a look at…oh.” It’s not being able to share the little moments of everyday life that I think bothers me the most at this point.